There are only two ways for parties to terminate the ongoing breach in their marital relationship. One involves a protracted court battle in which a Judge decides all issues including who shall have custody of the children and the visitation schedule; the amount and manner of alimony or child support; medical, dental and life insurance; and finally who owns what property and when. In the other method the husband and wife make all these decisions by reaching agreement and signing a "Separation Agreement". By far the vast majority of people who get divorced see the wisdom in the latter method, sooner or later. In fact, at least 90% of all Massachusetts divorces end by reaching an agreement.
What makes the most difference in divorce cases is when in the process the parties decide an agreement is preferable. The financial, social and emotional fallout for the family is exacerbated the longer the court process goes on before the swords are put down. That process can generally be described as hiring lawyers, filing for divorce, going to court for "temporary orders", "discovery", negotiations, pretrial conference, and finally trial. Anywhere along the line, once agreement is reached the process is truncated and a relatively brief hearing is held at which the judge examines and approves the agreement and grants the divorce.
The court process is fraught with disadvantages. It involves two attorneys being paid for their time. It can involve tactics and strategies that inflict emotional wounds. It is sometimes conducted in such a way as to maximize the time spent by the attorneys. Many studies have shown that the shorter and less intense the conflict between the parties, the less the children suffer. The court process, however, is simply not designed to minimize the conflict.
There is a healthier alternative. This option recognizes and capitalizes on the fact that divorce can present a chance for individual growth! In this approach, the husband and wife work together on the same issues to be resolved, and minimize the negative energy expended. This allows consideration of a wide range of possible solutions better suited to satisfy the real human needs involved, and creatively address the underlying interests of each.
This alternative is divorce mediation. The most immediate and measurable difference is in the money saved. One professional is paid by both parties for a shorter period of time. A more lasting difference is in the emotional area where feelings of anger, frustration and helplessness are lessened, while respect and trust for each other are enhanced or at least not destroyed. Obvious beneficiaries of mediation are the children as well as the parties themselves.
Mediation works well for couples who know what is best for the family and who are willing to make a good faith effort to work toward attaining that goal. When post-divorce life is guided by a settlement that the parties have fashioned themselves, rather than one imposed by a judge, the chances for mutual compliance increase significantly. Another advantage to such a settlement is that it usually allows for more flexibility in adapting to the inevitable changes that happen in life.
To save time, money and emotions, and to save the children, the best choice is to start with mediation.
Expectations in Divorce | Testimonials | Maps | Home
Merrimack Mediation
227 Chelmsford Street, Chelmsford, MA 01824
Tel: 978-250-4980
Fax: 978-256-7812
Email: Ronatur@aol.com
200 Merrimack Street, Haverhill, MA
Tel. 978-523-2333
174 High Street, Ipswich, MA
Tel. 978-356-0604
Website designed, Maintained and hosted by K William Kyros, Esq. and LawyerViews.com